An obligatory year in review

I can't believe I've had this blog for a year.

In response to a others who have done the same thing, I'll list my favorites for the year of 2008. Almost none of them were new to 2008, but were new to me.

Favorite Album: Honestly, the mix CDs I make have been fun to make and great to hear.

Favorite New Show: Freaks and Geeks. Runners-up: True Blood, Firefly.

Favorite Movie: Once.

Favorite Book: Sure enjoyed Eva Luna.

Best Event of the Year: Ghana. Runner-up: Beauty and the Beast was a fun time.

Goals for the year: 1. Take more pictures and post them. 2. Get a job teaching abroad.

One realization I had while reading my entries for the whole year was that the subject and character of this blog has become increasingly trivial. Perhaps the above list continues that trend, although I do enjoy the kind of time-capsule recording it allows. Nevertheless, I would like to write about more things that actually have meaning for my life and my goals. Hm, I should add that to the goals above.

I think since leaving school I've been coasting on little obligation and intellectual challenge. Work is depressing, and I think if I get a teaching job soon after I finish my class, I will quit Shu a few weeks before I leave. That thought makes me pretty happy.

I'm hopeful for 2009, though. I'm looking forward to seeing friends again soon, the spring thaw (so far away!), student teaching, and going to new places.

And I really want to make good on my goal to take more pictures. I just have to dig my camera out.

Responsibility is an Expensive Habit

I'm fairly annoyed at Wells Fargo right now for (I believe) tricking me into giving their money.

I signed up for automatic payments on my student loans for the second time, as it didn't work the first time for some reason. So this time I checked to make sure that the payment went through at the right time, and once again, it was not showing up on my statement. Cursing the website, I put in an automatic transfer to pay my dues. The next day, however, I checked my account again, and it appears that the automatic payments are going through, albeit one day late.

Here's my question: what good is an automatic payment if it's going to be sent a day late? I'm going to check with the bank on this to make sure that the automatic payments aren't subject to any fees, but if they are, it's a pretty sneaky thing of Wells Fargo to do. I mean, if I had payed a credit card bill on the due date, it gets sent the next day and I'm subject to that fee, right?

Fortunately, I'm flush enough right now to afford two loan payments, but it shore gits my goat anyhow.

I've realized I would really like a break from work as well as school. Not an original thought, but still. Work kind of sucks. On the bright side, I should be getting paid today, and my last class before break is tonight!

Mostly I'm in "I hate Mondays" mode after a terrific weekend. I had lots of fun at Winter Formal, mostly during the rides. I had forgotten that the Log Chute was actually part fun house and part roller coaster. MaryLynn and I were audibly surprised by a snorting Babe the Blue Ox and talking Paul Bunyan. The latter has a disturbingly fleshy jaw. ML and I also decided not to eat dinner before the dance, relying on our previous CU dance experience of being provided with mini cheesecakes and strawberries. When we got there, we saw a large table with plates and several chafers. However, upon approaching the table, we realized that the apparent feast was an apple bar, and all of the chafers were full of caramel and chocolate (?) and nuts to put on the apples. So we muttered, "The hell is this?" and went to get our own fast food feast. To be fair, an apple bar was kind of a neat idea for people who had already eaten.

Saturday, my family and I headed out to western Minnesota for my uncle's wedding, which was wonderful and a long time coming. My uncle has been a bachelor farmer his entire life, and he's not in his mid fifties. Unbeknownst to the rest of his family, however, he had been corresponding with a woman from the Philippines whom he met in a Christian singles chatroom for several years. A couple of years ago he told us about her, and last year he met with her family, who live in California. Together they found a time when he could visit her, which he did in January this year, and they got engaged and have been working the whole year to bring her over here. Last Tuesday she arrived, and on Saturday they got married. ML, Christine and I sang for the wedding. I'm so happy for my uncle!

Yesterday was busybusybusy as well, with our big Choir Sunday at church, where we sang five pieces each in both services. Afterward, the couple who does the music leading at church had everyone over for lunch. And may I say, wealthy Scandinavian people are very good entertainers. But yesterday's highlight was the Concordia Theatre Dept. final presentations. The acting presentations were well-done, particularly Dolce et Decorum est, a piece criticising the false glory of war. To be honest, I wasn't so sure about when it began. I mean, the students were performing well, I just didn't know what I was going to think of the piece, since it was much like performance art, which has almost become a parody of itself in my opinion. But it turned out to be effective, confrontational and hypnotic rather than indulgent and tedious. I don't know if I'd call it blocked so much as choreographed, which maybe is exactly what it was.

The tap class was the flashiest and my favorite part. Everyone danced really well, and it was a huge class. Overall, though, the best thing about it was that everyone was obviously having fun, and that fun was infectious. I'm pretty excited to see Dames at Sea now!

In other news: Winter. I am so close to caving in and buying a pair of Uggs. Yesterday I made the misguided decision of wearing footless tights and clogs. Today I made the same decision, but wore boots to ride the bus. Thrilling, I know.

Well, I'm delighted to have another reader, and even more delighted that this reader has her own blog!

Tonight I'm looking forward to attending the Winter Formal (unlimited rides at MOA) with my sisters and extended siblings, AKA Rachel and Alex. Probably the only people who read this, anyway. So, yeah . . . I'm excited, guys! We'd better take pictures.

I'm also getting pretty excited for my upcoming break from class. MaryLynn, Christine and I have big plans since we'll all have free time coming up. Among these include going to the MIA, ice skating, and visiting the Como Zoo . Maybe I'll finally walk around the lake! Oh, and we want to eat out together again. Last Saturday, we finally went to Barbary Fig after years of saying we wanted to. Great company, cozy atmosphere, yummy food, particularly the Mediterranean wrap. Feta!

Having more time with my roommates will be nice, too. Rebekah cannot remember the episode and a half of MST3K she has seen, and I feel that she must be caught up so that she can understand the context when Kate or I say, "You've got male . . . pattern baldness." Even though that line is hilarious on its own.

My only concern about break is that I'm really anxious to begin student teaching, and I don't want to lose that anxiousness over the three weeks that I'm away from class.

Well, this was a pretty crappy entry if you've seen me regularly. For those of you I don't see very often, you're caught up. I'll have to journal about my student teaching, though, so I'll have something else to bore you with soon enough.

TGIF (F as in Formal!)

Edit: (does "edit" show up on its own if I edit?) I would really like to take a good picture of myself for facebook. I feel that the mascara-application photo is not representative of me.

So, I don't Twitter, but if I did, this is what mention

I'm at work right now, and it's the time of day when glare from the sun reflects off of car hoods and windshields in the parking lot and directly into my eyes through the storefront windows. This time usually drives me nuts, but today it is . . . magical.

It is snowing lightly, but the snow is not falling so much as it is floating and swirling in the breeze. The individual flakes catch the light for a nanosecond, giving the overall effect of a being in a twinkly snow globe. And David Byrne and Brian Eno's "Strange Overtones" just played, solidifying the moment as a magic one.

Good moment to remember. Also, I must acquire that song, if not the whole album.

I was swindled!

I never thought I was a gullible person, but I have to admit I am.

Today at work, someone was on this website, Peter Answers, which is a "Virtual Tarot." Basically, she typed questions into fields provided on the page, and the site would answer correctly almost all the time. I'm not kidding, I was amazed. I was like a little kid seeing a magician for the first time, with no idea how the trick was done. Myself and the other people tried asking questions, but we only got Magic 8-ball answers like "ask again later."

The most embarrassing thing is that I tried doing it by myself a bit more, with the same results, and actually believed for a bit that I needed a better sensitivity to psychic spirits to make it work. No joke. I mean, I never would go see a fortune teller seriously, but I do believe in ghosts, for example. However, ghosts that work through specific websites is bogus, and I can't believe I was thinking that, however fleetingly.

The website is a trick, of course. The person asking the questions actually writes the answers in the first field, before actually asking the question, and the answer is disguised in a "petition." Jeez.

I should never play carnival games.

Oh. My God.

I knew the Beatles were heavily marketed and merchandised, but I was not aware of just how shamelessly. This is hilarious.

The Beatles Cartoon

Oh, where to begin? The show offers so much to hate, from the stupid, poor man's Scooby Doo plots, to the crappy animation, to the fact that the show doesn't even try to be subtle about it's Beatlemania propaganda. It would be innocuous if it weren't, like most cartoons, all about trying to make money off of kids. Should have stopped at movies, guys.

My favorite thing about this show, though, is the truly terrible and hilarious voice work. I am pretty sure that the actor voicing John and maybe George is the same actor who did voices for The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, in which he was awesome and funny. But he should not be voicing John Lennon, for sure. Because he makes John sound just like Inspector Fenwick, who sounds like an old pansy. But hey, I'm sure the Beatles made a lot of money off of this, which is a lot more than they would have if they had just made records and done tours, right?

At 3:43, close your eyes and listen to the voice. Then, go back and see who was talking.

I have plenty of direction. *Sulk*

If I've learned anything since finishing college, it's that I am a highly impractical and naive person. I've actually always knew that, but it was an under-the-radar knowledge that I neglected to address.

In a little more than a month, I'll be moving out of my family's house and into a new place with some friends. Admittedly, it was a hastily made decision on my part, and I was easily persuaded. This is not to say I don't want to do it. I'm excited to get out on my own, even though my means of support is not as lucrative as I would like it to be. Furthermore, I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be in this country. If certain . . . changes don't happen in this country come November, I'd like to get out sooner rather than later. How will I accomplish this sudden emigration?

I plan to leave for a job teaching English in a foreign country. Yes, after over a year of naming it as a possible plan, I have actually taken a step to make teaching English as a foreign language a direct goal. I'm taking a class at Hamline University to get TEFL certified. I guess a lot of teaching jobs abroad don't actually require you to have formal training, but I like to do things by the book. Especially when I have no background in them at all.

I had my first class on Monday, and it was everything I hoped it would be. It's team-taught by two teachers, but what was great (about the first class, anyway) was that they let us do a lot of discussion and exercises on our own so that a lot of the class time was learning ourselves. For example, we did some mixer exercises that actually helped us to experience what it might be like to communicate with people who don't speak the same language as us. One exercise was the silent interview, where we had to have a conversation with a partner using no words, only actions and pictures. It made me really enthusiastic about the process of communication (which is good, because I need to keep up the enthusiasm if I want to teach!).

Tonight we're sitting in on a Japanese immersion class. I'm excited. I'm going to try extra hard to be attentive and maybe pick up a phrase or two, since Japan is one of the countries I'm interested in.

Lots of other things are happening or possibly happening for me right now, but it would be exhausting to write and read about it. Another time.

A sign from God? You decide.

I discovered last night that the speakers on our home computer seem to be sending subliminal messages. I shit you not, when they are on and I'm not doing something that needs sound on the computer, they are picking up some music or spoken word at a very low decibel. It has to be really quiet in the room to even notice it. Perhaps they are picking up some Christian radio station somehow, because right now, when I put my ear up to the speakers, I can hear a preacher talking about Joseph (of the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat).

Strange phenomenon.

REVAMP

Well, I haven't been very faithful to blogging. But that's okay, because I haven't been very interesting either.

In light of recent events in my life, I've decided to make the theme of this blog "post-graduate blues." Alternately, "Reality Bites." No, not really.

But I am going to be updating on my activities as a recent college graduate. They look pretty lame if you consider that I'm out of school, but if you think I'm still in school, I think they look like a great time. Ha ha ha . . . sigh.

Let's consider the following:
I live at home.
I spend the days that I don't work at the shoe store making mix CDs and watching TV shows online.
If I leave the house, it's usually for across the street at the school I attended.

That is the lame list. Here's the cool spin list:
I have applied for a few jobs, one in Chicago. I have also applied for classese to get a TEFL certification so I might get a job in another country. And I still have a job here.
I spend the days that I don't work at the shoe store making mix CDs and watching TV shows. (I think that sounds fun.) And I've been exercising a lot.
I get to see my closest friends on a regular basis.

Really, the best things I have done for myself are the applications. They've been the first legitimate action I've taken over this summer. And I finally got around to them this week. I'm also proud of myself about working out regularly. It's an achievement, trust me. I'm finally feeling like I'm ready to face post-college life. Although living at home has had its benefits.

Summer also wasn't a waste of time. I had a great summer making new friends and getting to know old ones better. I had some new experiences, which I shall not illuminate upon here.

I'll write on here again if I get responses for my applications, or if I do something fun that is worth mentioning.

I'm confused. Dreams . . . What are mine?

[Read the title of this post as Jerri Blank.]

Sometimes, I really want to be an art history professor. I can imagine being good at it; I have a lot of ideas on different methods of teaching the material. It helps that I think art history is fascinating, and it's still my favorite academic field to think about. Usually, I hate debates. But I love to read about arguments on art history.

But then I feel like a fraud for not paying a lot of attention to art the past year, especially this semester.

Dammit, if I could just focus on this paper.

I'm going right now to work. And to have an English muffin.

Taking a Break

I just have to make a brief declaration of my newest love: Freaks and Geeks.

I've finally gotten around to watching it, and it's even better than I imagined it could be. So funny and sweet and real. Watching it with my friends has been getting me through this week.I'll probably have to buy it. And it has Jason Segel, who I first knew as Marshall from How I Met Your Mother, who I also have to say I'm crushing on right now.

That's right. How I Met Your Mother. I defend my right to like it.

But Freaks and Geeks is, of course, better.

Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

So, I touched on this a bit in the last posting, but I'll say it again. I've been continually impressed with how everyone has acted as a result of losing Randy. Almost everyone (with a few new people) showed up to a meeting last night, and it was probably the briefest, most effective one we've had yet. We're finally at the point where we're ready to actually discuss the greater issue at hand, i.e. sexuality and religious (LCMS) doctrine. And it looks like we'll have a Gay-Straight Alliance on campus, too.

It almost makes me wish that we had had to face this together sooner, albeit under less tragic circumstances. But gosh, I really want to leave Concordia a better and more open place than I came to, and it makes me so excited that a lot of people feel the same way. At the same time, I am so grateful for the thoughtful way that the students have been approaching the issue. We've heard differing opinions, but it's clear that everyone wants to be respectful of each other. At the end of the evening, someone actually said something to the effect of "we've done nothing wrong, and whatever feelings you have should be voiced without you feeling guilty about them."

Someday, I just might be proud of having my name attached to Concordia.

It's my blog, and I'll cry if I want to

This was the most depressing Easter I've ever had.

Not to say that it was the most horrible day I've ever had. The holiday elements helped to cheer things up. But, just for self-wallowing pity's sake, lets review the list of pros and cons:

Pros:
1. Spent time with family
2. Continued to eat pretty healthily, despite holiday food
3. Got a bit drunk (I think this was a pro today)
4. Watched comfort movie (Bridget Jones's Diary)

Cons:
1. Had to get up at 6:30 for church
2. Snow
3. Church didn't have Easter breakfast; choir did get bagels and juice (to be fair, this contributed to pro No. 2)
4. Had to be at church for five hours (also, to be fair, it is my job)
5. Significantly less family gathered than previous Easters
6. Problems with Concordia main topic of conversation with family
7. Problems with Concordia, period
8. It's midnight, and I'm awake when I don't want to be

So, overall, not the most ideal Easter.

The problems at Concordia put the most damper on my life right now. It is no consolation that I'll be graduating this Spring, because it makes me feel as if I've been tricked into getting my diploma from that University. Everything I've done (or not done) in my college career seems soured now. It took me a while to see the best in a transfer I made almost entirely not by choice, but by circumstance. Now, after a long time of being happy with the change, those old feelings of resentment have resurfaced, and I hate that. Concordia has given me some of the best friends and experiences of my life, but now I can't help but wish that I could have had the kind of vibrant, open-minded academic community I had at St. Olaf at the same time.

And those are just my own selfish concerns on the matter.

While I'm still at Concordia, I do want to be voicing my outrage and hurt about the poorly made decision. However, once I graduate, I want to distance myself from the place as soon as I can. I've been around Concordia for over eighteen years, except for the two when I went to St. Olaf. I've got to get away.

That's my gut reaction right now. I don't follow my gut very often. I only hope that actually doing so doesn't make me forget the people I care about.

Appreciation vs. Lack of Ingenuity

Two things have happened recently that have made me reevaluate what I want to do with my life.

1. The Oscars. Lame, I know. Seriously.

2. I was introduced to the website Etsy.com, where artists, crafters, and artisans sell their creations. Pretty awesome. Check it out.

Anyway, both made me wish that I was a more creative person. At least since college (I don't know when it started. Middle school?), I can trace my focus as being more observative rather than visionary. I've discovered that I was good at analytical writing, for example. I have a good memory, and can notice detail easily. These are my natural strengths, which suit me well for some professional, bookish career. Oh, I can sing well, too, but I guess I don't consider musicianship to be innately creative so much as being artistically sensitive.

What I'm wondering is, what drives creative people? Do they feel a need to create, or are they just good at it? Is there any hope that if I want to develop some muse, I could? Is it possible that I'm too lazy to pursue any of my ideas because I think they're all pipe dreams?

Probably what's at the root of all of my anxieties is that I don't know myself well enough.

I'm no film buff, but . . .

Last night, the sudden and unfortunate ailment of my friend Derek made my friends and me change our plans for the evening. He was our supplier for the promisingly heinous cinematic offerings Zardoz (seen it) and Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight (haven't seen it). We decided to watch The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou instead.

I hadn't seen this movie before, and I'll admit I was actually against it at the start. I hadn't heard great things about it, and it looked to me like proof that Wes Anderson was in a rut of his own quirkiness. But I went into it without much protest.

It wasn't as annoying as I thought it would be. In fact, I found it pretty enjoyable. True, the film's quirkiness seemed to be only for quirkiness's sake, and sometimes it got to eye-rolling levels. However, I think that I laughed out loud more than I had at any other Wes Anderson film, and it seemed that those bits of humor were slightly more conventional than just weird. Weird humor is hit and miss with me. Furthermore, Wes Anderson always picks a soundtrack that agrees with me, but The Life Aquatic made me realize that I have to commit to David Bowie as my favorite artist.

I didn't think that The Life Aquatic was a great film. It was ambitious, though, in trying what it tried to cover with an attitude so blase. As MaryLynn said, Wed Anderson films always seem to be bored about everything that happens in them. In this way, I can see how he was influenced by French New Wave cinema. Admittedly, I've only seen The 400 Blows, but the pacing of each scene is rather lifelike and plaintive, which is what I see Anderson trying to achieve as well. I prefer Anderson's approach, because he goes for more of a fantastic plot than a true "slice of life" one. Because honestly, if I'm going to watch some people trying to act out situations with realtime pacing, I'd rather see them do it in a yellow submarine.

Too bad I couldn't use my old name

Since I've got a comment on my last post, I can move on. Aren't you glad?

Blogging might be good for me. I've been writing this post for a while without really structuring it. However, typing out my train of thought has helped me realize a common theme in my life. See if you can trace it by the end!

First, business. Right now, my change from Xanga feels frivolous. I didn't even get to have my old username, and I had it long before the person on Blogger had it, not that that matters. But I sure miss dejavualloveragain. Oh, well. Life goes on.

Because the change was partially motivated by appearance, I'm going to try to spice this page up a bit. Right now, I just want it to look clean, but I think it's coming off as spartan. Perhaps I'll add a picture or two. It would give me a reason to use my camera.

The current weather actually does make me want to get out and enjoy the Twin Cities. For early January in Minnesota, we're experiencing some balmy days. The thaw this week has made the air smell sweet and the birds sing. It's actually fooled me into thinking that spring has come early. Wait a week, I guess.

But honestly, the thaw is one of my favorite parts of living in Minnesota. I love getting four seasons, because I love the feeling of anticipation. Being an optimist and a dreamer, I always envision the good times ahead. Trouble is, when I look back, I seldom have actually accomplished the things I've envisioned. It reminds me of a conversation in Dazed and Confused. I love that film, perhaps because its characters are all basically aimless wanderers who aimlessly wander with their own philosophies about it.

Cynthia, Tony, and Mike, the nerd pack in the cast, are discussing the way they feel they've wasted their lives thinking only of the future. Cynthia resolves, "I'd like to quit thinking of the present . . . as some minor insignificant preamble to something else."

Sometimes I'm afraid to change, to do. And I don't mean changing web hosts. That doesn't even count as a baby step (although look how sad I felt about having to change my name). I guess what I'm saying is, the next time I write here, it will be because I've experienced something exciting, something I've always dreamed of experiencing.

In the meantime, is anyone up for a photo safari this week?

Self-indulgence for a new year

Inspired by the clean slate of 2008 and motivated by boredom at work, I've decided to take another crack at letting the world hear my voice via cyberspace. Sure, it's kind of a small voice, but I think it sounds nice.

Some of you familiar with my previous digital oeuvre may be wondering "why leave Xanga?" An excellent question. My answer: Xanga just wasn't pretentious enough for me.

Here's what to expect from my transition from Xanga to Blogger:

1. Better editing. I read my last Xanga entry from April 2007. Do you know what I discovered? An incorrectly used apostrophe! You, the reader(s), deserve better than that. After all, I am a reflection of my grammar.

2. Hopefully more posting. That is my resolution.

3. More heartfelt posting. If you don't know me and are reading this, you probably hate me by now. In fact, you might not have gotten this far. Let me assure you, I'm not really mean. When I say "pretentious," know that I'm a kidder. So anyway, sometimes I will talk about what's going on in my life, things that I'm excited about, or plans for the future. Other times, I'll just be trying to be funny.

Let's be honest. I'm not going to talk about very deep subjects here. But I will be trying to talk about nothing intelligently. I think that Blogger, with its hip graphics and credibility as a serious conversation hub is the proper outlet for my supposedly hip, serious thoughts.

So, just so we're clear, I know I'm not fooling anybody. But I'm trying.

Happy New Year!